Life continued to be crazy and anything but normal. My daughter's behavior grew worse and worse. She would throw herself on the floor for any given reason of not cooperating. The communication barier was beyond frustrating and added to her outbursts on top of other reasons including her stubborness. I started researching signlanguage online and her teachers that came from Early Intervention worked with us as well. It was all very overwhelming but we got some of the basics established and it helped this child to communicate some of her needs to us a lot easier than screaming and throwing fits. Still her behavior was a nightmare at times. She wasn't a baby anymore and she didn't want to sit there in her stroller or a shopping cart. She didn't want to be carried or hold your hand while she walked. She wanted to run off and do her own thing. Whenever you chased her down and picked her up she had a fit. You couldn't explain to her things like you would a typical child so it was beyond frustrating for both her and us. It was embarrassing the outbursts she would have in public places. Tantrums, screaming, outbursts, more than any other child I have ever seen. It got to the point where I tried to not even take her to the store with me to save myself any remaining sanity I had left at that point. I loved to shop and it used to be a great stress reliever but taking my daughter shopping with me was just a nightmare. I tried everything I could do to calm her behaviors or redirect her attention. Everything I had learned in early childhood education classes were a complete and udder waste with this child.
At this point in my life I was also in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship and found out that I was pregnant with my son. I had so much going on to deal with and I just wanted to scream sometimes. When I found out I was pregnant, the first thing that came to my mind was having another child with her condition. I had many fears but I knew deep down everything would be ok with this baby. Still, my daughter was now turning 3 and Early Intervention stops at this point and special needs education starts outside of the home at a school that suites your child's needs. That means I had to look into preschool options at schools for hearing impaired children. We toured her school and I had yet another anxiety attack that caused me telling the staff that I was feeling dizzy and lightheaded so I needed to sit down for a moment. My anxiety attacks I tried to conceal and yet sometimes I couldn't and I was embarrassed.
My daughter started preschool Monday through Thursday from 8 am till 3 pm and Friday from 8 am till noon. This was a much needed break for me. I had time to clear my head and have help with this child that I had lacked for all this time. It's not easy by any means to raise a special needs child and you need a large group of support, I cannot emphasize this enough. Her behavior on the other hand only got worse. She became beyond picky when it came to eating and it was a constant battle. She was 3 years old and still not potty trained. It's not like we didn't try, they even encouraged it at school. She was beyond stubborn about everything and this was no exception. Bedtime was an even bigger struggle. She was too big for a crib, yet she refused to stay contained in a bed. When she had to wake up that early for school everyday, of course we needed to get her to bed earlier and in some sort of routine. Juggling my bi polar boyfriend, pregnancy, and my special needs daughter was more than I could handle and I worried constantly about my high stress levels effecting my unborn child in me.
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